self care = community

The last place I expected to find self care was in a bunch of little boxes on my laptop.

But I saw it there again last Sunday, when I got to attend a virtual weekend retreat with the theme of hygge—this time as a participant instead of facilitator (enjoying some of my own medicine … yay!). And once more, as if on cue, I watched as a group of former strangers shared getaway recommendations, compared notes on favorite foods, and encouraged each other to make good on the promises they made themselves … all while snuggled in cozy blankets and sipping everything from herbal tea to champagne.

I know it might seem strange to think that a practice with “self” right in the title can be done in a room of people (virtual or otherwise), but if we’re having trouble taking time away from our usual responsibilities to focus on our own well-being alone, gathering with like-minded folks can help us put things into perspective and remember just how good even a short break can feel. Seeing a blissed-out smile on a new friend’s face can act like a mirror, reminding us of the benefits of committing to our own wellbeing.

We can’t deny the feel-good feelings we have after a restful in-person event, where we can share stories over a delicious meal, punctuated with a squeeze of support. But I’ve seen the same thing unfold time and again over the past year, right online. Our self-care sanctuary monthly bookclub is really less about the reading than how we’re applying what we’re learning to our individual lives—plus we get to remind each other of how best to put that wisdom into action. And the laughter weekend retreaters share—both on and off the mat—binds us in spite of our differences in age, profession, family situation, and more. We find we have more in common than we originally thought.

Science shows that people who help others get a boost in mental health, self-confidence, self-esteem, and general wellbeing. You may not realize how your presence, even (especially!) online, reminds someone of the importance of movement, rest, and connection. So if you’re struggling with tending to yourself on your own, try connecting with a buddy for a quick chatty walk (masked and socially distant, if necessary), a video or phone check-in, or a short text. You just might find that you’re helping them even as you help yourself.

Photo by Kimson Doan on Unsplash